I found my perfect match!

So, you think you have found the one. 

You have so much in common, you have talked/texted all night and all day all week, they are blah blah blah.....

Look, we all have something in common, some more than others. In the exciting haze of getting to know one another, your hormones are in the driver's seat. 

If you are doing heavy petting to having sex, you are compounding emotions control and you are not using your brain. I can take months to truly know a person and by waiting on heavy petting and sex, you are forced to get to know someone and all their warts. Hopefully you get to meet their family and see how they treat them and vice versa as this can tell a lot about a person and what kind of conflicts you can expect to get into in the future.

How do they talk about their past relationships?

If they have kids, how active are they in their lives and do they work at getting along with their ex?

How do they treat their friends, co-workers, ect.?

Is everything everyone elses fault?

Does everything they say solicit sympathy? (Big warning)

Do they push you to have sex?

Is every argument your fault? 

How fast do they say "I love you"?

How fast do they want to move in?

What is their job? How do they talk about it? 

And on and on.

And if you keep on having problems finding a healthy relationship, the problem starts with you.

Stop dating, get help in relationship counseling. Yes, on your own!

Why don't my friends and family like him/her

It seems the the gals are the guiltiest in this department.

The reason your family and friends don't like whomever you are with is more than likely your fault.

1) You chose a real winner.

How can I count the ways?

   They can't seem to keep a job but it's never there fault. 

   He said he was sorry after he hit me. (Women can be abusers also.) 

   It's all about them.

I could go on but that should be another post.

2) You picked up an out and out verbal, mental, or physical abuser or a combination of all three.

3) You talk trash about your mate and your friends never hear any of the good stuff.

4) This one isn't your fault. You will never date/marry anyone they consider good enough for their little royal child and frankly you should probably move a few states away if you want to have a healthy relationship.

     As far as the first two reason, throw that fish back and pick another one and the last one you can't change family.

     My example for the third and what I believe is the main problem is this:

     Jane is mad because her loser husband is such a jerk followed by some ridiculous embellished story in order to solicit attention from her friends and family who think she should dump the jerk. 

      We base how we feel about someone without hearing their side of the story. We take the half truths as fact. That is why the other person is standing there wondering why they aren't liked. Because in truth, you are a liar.

The truth is ugly. 

Worse, even if we find out that what we have misunderstood about the other person, we don't tend to go back to those same friends and family and tell them truth. We don't even bother apologizing to the person we claim to dearly love for what we have done.

     A few years ago, I had to go work for inventory on Sunday in December. Brian complains that I forget to carry my cell phone, much less have the ringer on so he can reach me. So, I made a point to remember to bring it along and have the ringer on. 

      Part way through the day, I get a call on the back door line at work from a friend to confirm that they are going to be over for dinner when I get off from work. I finish the call and promptly get chewed out for having a personal call. I grab my cell because I am wondering why she didn't call my cell first and I notice I can't turn it on. I remember that Brian was messing with it the night before and so I opened the back and lo and behold my SIM card is missing! Great! I got in trouble for what he did! I complained to most of my coworkers as they wanted to know why the boss got on to me.

      I got home and told Brian I didn't appreciate him getting me in trouble and this was in front of people and then he hands me a new Blackberry phone. Groan! I am such a jerk and I have to tell him how I complained at work and apologize to my guests. To top it off, I have to tell everyone a work what Brian had done for me and admit that I was a jerk.

I very rarely talk bad about Brian. One, he isn't present to defend himself. Two, just like before, I didn't have all the information and I jumped to conclusions.

Lastly, no one is pleasant to look at or be around if all they do is complain.

     If you want a loving, honest and open relationship full of respect. You need to watch how you think and how you speak about others. Ask yourself how you would feel if the other person was always talking smack about you?

You can't unscramble eggs.

I have been married to Brian, who is my second husband. This seems to stick in craw of some legalistic believers.
Now this is not a statement to provide an opportunity for those to spew forth a vitriolic diatribe against extreme religions by any means. Not all strict Christians fall into this thought.
Some believe that if you do not have a biblical divorce ie you weren't the one cheated on, then you can never to remarry.
I know of a couple who had children but their church convinced them to divorce, live separately and never re-marry. Have you ever heard the saying, "Two wrongs don't make it right"? Well here is a perfect example.

I had a low point where I was almost convinced that they may be right. Brian was out of town working and I was home alone, miserable without him.

I tried to keep busy and sometimes cleaned house until 2 & e am until I could fall asleep exhausted. 

As I was on my hands and knees, crying and scrubbing the white linoleum floor in the kitchen, I began praying. I confessed my willfulness in the whole mess. If I could be shown that Brian & I should not stay married, then I would obey even if it killed me.

The next day was Wed. And off I went to the church library to look for a book. I found one, ironically written by a Church of Christ preacher. That may seem a sure going over to the extreme but once I read the cover jacket, I came to the conclusion that this preacher  actually had the harsher beliefs at one time but had come to a true Christlike understanding. Some beliefs where the same and some views where changes. I can't remember the name of it but I will try and find out.

I also mentioned my quest to Carl & Evie who were going through a course to help others that were going through marriage problems. Carl was also struggling with the same question concerning one of his family members. Unbeknownst to me, he mentioned this matter to Brother Barry Chinn. As a result, he actually felt led to change his message for that night.

Message 1 received.

After service, he invited Carl, Evie & I out to dinner at IHOP. I told them the whole mess. Carl had questions for himself.

I felt a lot clearer afterwards but I still wanted to read the book.

Message 2 received.

I devoured the book that night and was surprised by what was revealed to Message 3 received.

Years ago, Brian and I where told by our pastor in AL, Brother Ragsdale, that our sin and willfulness is what needed confession. He had seen Brian & I grow in the Lord and seen our lives being blessed. Those who try to force is to divorce to make what they believe in their hearts have not fully understood the forgiveness and grace of Christ's love.

My own mother, Doreen, who has been a strict believer all my life, told me the two most important statements off all time concerning this matter. They are:

  "Two wrongs don't make it right"

  "You can't unscramble eggs"

I have always been taught that if the Bible had it three times then you need to pay attention. I had my 3 signs/messages.

Brian & I are married, we have been together for almost 18 years and those scrambles eggs taste better every year.

"Let no man tear asunder"

What my blog is about

Have you ever found yourself debating what to do so you just ask everyone what to do about the matter?
Well, I'm either the last person you ask or if you have learned by experience, I am the first person to come to.
I'm not going to dance around the truth but I may help you find your truth for that moment.
It might not be that you even ask me a question but that you start to tell me about happenings in your life and you are not sure what you are going to do. I might actually see you headed to a painful place and try to nudge you out of it.
My main goal is to not be hurtful but to make you think. To make choice not based on either feelings or thought, but on a combination of the two. If you make decisions on how you feel, or you over analyze everything, you can land up being inactive, ineffective and stagnant in life and worse, making the same bad decisions over and over again.

Feel free to post scenarios or questions.